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00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,104
Everybody Hates Chris
"Everybody Hates Minimum Wage"
Closed Captioned

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00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:07,241
CHRIS ROCK:
By 1986 I'd been working
at Doc's for three years.

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00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,443
Outside of getting robbed
four times,

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00:00:09,477 --> 00:00:12,346
sick on the pickles three times
and a double hernia,

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00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:15,649
it was the single greatest
job I ever had.

6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:19,653
And from time to time, a pretty
girl might stroll in.

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00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:23,124
In exchange for all
my hard work,

8
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:24,658
I got paid three dollars
an hour.

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00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,694
Good job, man.

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00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,663
$60-- cold hard cash.

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00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,132
I had the perfect job...

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00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,534
till I found out
about minimum wage.

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00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,803
Basically, minimum wage
is the only guarantee

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00:00:35,836 --> 00:00:37,505
people get paid in money.

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00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:40,108
Your boss would pay you in
Popsicle sticks if he could.

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00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,476
Great work.
A Popsicle stick?

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00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,578
What do you take
this thing for, man?

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00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,780
I cannot work and live off
no Popsicle sticks.

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00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,283
The least you can do is give me
the damn Popsicle.

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00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:51,785
Minimum wage. Shoot.

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00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:56,190
There was a time when
the maximum wage for
black folks was zero.

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00:00:56,224 --> 00:01:00,761
But now the government requires
that you pay me $3.35 an hour.

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00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,530
Well, work for
the government.

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00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,865
Look, Chris, I like
having you around

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00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,867
and you do a good job.

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00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,302
But I just can't
spare the money.

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00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:11,205
It's only 35 cents
more an hour.

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35 cent an hour...
that's $28 a month.

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00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,577
That's three cartons
of milk a day,

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00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,746
that's two boxes of
Mike and Ike an hour.

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That's no.

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That's when I realized
I'd found the one person

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00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:24,918
cheaper than my father.

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00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:28,589
I thought about picketing, but
I was afraid this would happen.

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He won't pay!

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I won't stay!

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He won't pay,
I won't stay!

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I thought about a sit-in,
but I was afraid

39
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,665
this would happen again.

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00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:38,866
* Wages...

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No justice, no peace!

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00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,307
But I decided on an ultimatum.

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Doc, listen,

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I come in on time,
and I never leave early.

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I work hard,
so I deserve minimum wage.

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00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:54,915
And if you're not
going to give me a raise,

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I'm going to have to leave.

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00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:58,586
It's a matter of principles.

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00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,853
Is that an ultimatum?

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00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,921
Well, is it?

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00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:02,223
Yeah.

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00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,461
Nice working with you.

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00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:09,797
You'd really let me go?

54
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:10,764
Where else are you
going to find

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00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:13,334
somebody as reliable
and trustworthy as I am

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00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:15,669
that'll work for $60 a week?

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00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:17,605
Sir, are you hiring?

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00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,774
Well, am I?

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00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,276
Are you?

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00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,178
Depends.

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You gonna pay me?

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Nope.

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Then yes, 'cause I quit.

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Maybe I should have gotten
Al Sharpton involved.

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* Ah, make it funky now.

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Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION

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ROCK:
I tried to get minimum wage

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while my father tried to get
minimum sleep.

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Guess what? Vanessa asked me
to be her hair model

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for the upcoming
hair show.

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00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,830
By "Vanessa asked," she meant
"I begged."

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Please, please, please, please
let me be your hair model!

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Fine. Pull yourself together.

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Thank you!

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00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:26,874
Hair show, huh.
Yes.

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00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:28,008
Does it pay?

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00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,878
Well, it pays $100, but I'm
not doing it for the money.

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00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,881
You know, it's always
been a dream of mine
to be a hair model.

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00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,683
Julius, I could just
see myself

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walking down that runway.

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00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:53,867
I said, "You better
give me my money, fool."

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At dinner, Drew looked sadder
than 69-cent shoes.

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Hey, Drew.

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00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,608
What's wrong?

85
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,842
Failed my history test.

86
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,845
Told you sleeping in a room with
Chris would make you stupid.

87
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,013
Tonya, hush.

88
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What happened, baby?

89
00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,518
I studied, but when
I sat down, my mind went blank.

90
00:04:10,551 --> 00:04:13,954
Your mind went blank?
What kind of excuse is that?

91
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:15,923
Did you eat breakfast?
Yes.

92
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,791
Well, did you get
a good night's sleep?

93
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,992
Yes.

94
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,894
Well, boy, did you hit
your head

95
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,863
on a stupid rock
on the way to school?

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00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,698
No.

97
00:04:24,732 --> 00:04:26,967
Well, I'm gonna help you study
for that next test.

98
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'Cause I didn't raise
no dummies.

99
00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,970
Bush's mom says that, too.

100
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,071
How was work, Chris?

101
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,040
Huh?
How was work?

102
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,409
Oh, oh, it was fine.

103
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:37,044
Good. Tell Doc I said hi.

104
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He's a good guy.

105
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,981
Yeah, he's great.

106
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,418
If I developed a drug problem,
my next job might be president.

107
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,519
You quit?

108
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,455
Yeah, now I have
to find another job.

109
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,923
I can't tell my dad
I quit my job.

110
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:50,924
He'll kill me.

111
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,927
I've got a couple things
circled to check out.

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00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:57,931
* How happy you made me, oh,
Mandy, well, you came... *

113
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,000
Greg?

114
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,535
* Well, you came
and you gave without... *

115
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:02,603
Greg!
What?

116
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,705
You're drooling.

117
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,940
* But I sent you away,
oh, Mandy... *
It's Mandy.

118
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,742
* You kissed me and stopped
me from shaking... *
She's so hot.

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She's all right.

120
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,945
Plus, you've been saying
that for the past month.

121
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,014
Why don't you just
go talk to her?

122
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I can't just go up to her
and start talking.

123
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:17,951
Works for pimps.

124
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,487
Yeah, you can.

125
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,054
Okay, smarty-pants,

126
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,924
Do I say "hi"?
Do I say "hello"?

127
00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:25,826
Or maybe "hey"?

128
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:26,960
Or even "hey, hi"?

129
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,562
The possibilities
are endless.

130
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,964
We haven't even gotten
to what I'll be wearing.

131
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I know what you'll be wearing--
a look of frozen terror.

132
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* And I need you...

133
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:41,975
I wasn't getting paid,
and Greg was afraid.

134
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,778
Oh, girl, I'm so excited!

135
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,547
So what styles
do you have in mind?

136
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:50,418
Well, let me tell you about
my follicular extravaganza.

137
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Girl, check out
Vanessa's designs.

138
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,655
Ooh, my goodness!

139
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,123
Who did these drawings?

140
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,825
Girl, my cousin Dante.

141
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,159
He's taking an art class
in prison.

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ROCHELLE:
They are so cute.

143
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:05,599
I could just picture myself
in all of them.

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My mother imagined herself
in the Eiffel Tower...

145
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:12,940
the Helicopter...

146
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,842
and the Black Smacker.

147
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Ooh!

148
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:21,915
I've decided to go with
the one that is the most
difficult technique-wise.

149
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,151
The Tsunami.

150
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,987
Whoa. You know what, I heard
the last hairdresser

151
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who tried the Tsunami died.

152
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,023
No, actually, the hairdresser
was fine--

153
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,059
It was the model
that died.
What?

154
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,093
Mm-hmm, hairspray poison.

155
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:35,028
Wait a minute,
what's this one?

156
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,930
Girl, that's the upside down
cruise ship--

157
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,098
you know, The Poseidon
Adventure?

158
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:39,232
But we're not
going to do that one.

159
00:06:39,266 --> 00:06:41,635
You know how hard it is to get
1,500 tiny little people

160
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made out of hair?
It's a mess.

161
00:06:43,871 --> 00:06:46,440
Wait a minute, I heard
Jacquot LeBluke is competing.

162
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:47,908
This is a long, dramatic story

163
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:48,909
about back-stabbing
hairdressers

164
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,078
that we've heard before.

165
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,813
So we're going to move on.

166
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,683
While my mother got
a dye job,

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I went to get a job-job.

168
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,855
This was the first restaurant
in Bed-Stuy

169
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:03,190
without a bulletproof window.

170
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:06,059
There was the bulletproof
fish place...

171
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,496
then the bulletproof
salad bar...

172
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,931
and the bulletproof
hot dog stand.

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MAN:
Yeah, man, can I get
a number two, please?

174
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:14,902
When can you start?

175
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,204
Tomorrow after school.
You're hired.

176
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:21,241
The job pays minimum wage
and all the rice you can eat.

177
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,644
I'll take it!

178
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:26,680
Listen closely,
and you'll learn how to say

179
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,816
the "N" word in Chinese.

180
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,984
Now focus, boy.

181
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Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad.

182
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,624
Chris, where
you been?

183
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:38,626
You were supposed to
be back an hour ago.

184
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,260
I was out selling crack.

185
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,196
Not all my early attempts
at comedy were a success.

186
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:44,632
Just kidding.

187
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,667
I was out
looking for work.

188
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,235
Found a job working
at Hoo's Hunan.

189
00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:49,269
Hoo's on First?

190
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,072
I like Woks on Second.
What happened to Doc's?

191
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:53,507
He refused to pay me
minimum wage,

192
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:55,075
so I found a job that would.

193
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,744
Minimum wage.

194
00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:59,780
I paid a man to let me
work my first job.

195
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,148
You kids
got it good.

196
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,150
It's about the principle, Dad,
not the money.

197
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:06,787
I work hard, and if the man says
I should be paid $3.35

198
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,088
then he should pay me.

199
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,590
Good luck with that.

200
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,191
You get free Chinese food?

201
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,060
Yeah, all the rice I want.

202
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:14,628
I like those principles.

203
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:18,098
Good, 'cause I ain't cooking
till after the hair show.

204
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:22,069
The next day,
I got $3.35 worth of new job.

205
00:08:23,671 --> 00:08:26,073
About as much as you look
like Yoko Ono.

206
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:27,307
You're late.

207
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:28,842
No, I'm not.
It's 3:00.

208
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:29,943
It's 3:01.

209
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,178
Now, get to work.

210
00:08:31,211 --> 00:08:32,479
No matter what I did,

211
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:36,083
it seemed like I was supposed
to be doing something else.

212
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:41,154
When I washed the floors...

213
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,157
Lionel Ritchie,
set the tables.

214
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:45,893
When I set the tables...

215
00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:48,896
Lionel, organize
the fortune cookies.

216
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,832
When I organized
the fortune cookies...

217
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:57,304
5:30. Lionel Ritchie,
go wash the dishes.

218
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,774
He wouldn't talk to the real
Lionel Ritchie like that.

219
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,083
What?

220
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:12,252
Keep on working.

221
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,255
I was lucky Mr. Fong
wasn't zoned to grow cotton.

222
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,367
What are you doing?

223
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,937
Oh, I finished the dishes, so
I decided to start my homework.

224
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,104
No homework.

225
00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,339
You have work-work.

226
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,108
But Doc always let me
start my homework.

227
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,645
Well, you are not
at Doc's anymore.

228
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,212
Go fix the menu numbers.

229
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,850
I was getting minimum wage
and having minimum fun.

230
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:49,823
My new job wasn't just
making me tired of working,

231
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:51,959
it was making me
tired of Greg.

232
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,694
Hey, man, you look terrible.

233
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,663
I know.

234
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:56,930
I work more
at Hoo's in a day

235
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:59,332
than I do at Doc's
in a month.

236
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:02,335
There's Mandy.

237
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:04,337
I've decided to go
with "hey."

238
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,340
Can't figure out what I'm gonna
do with my hair though.

239
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,977
Should I part it to the side
or go straight back?

240
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,112
Shave it off and start over.

241
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,682
Chris, wake up, I'm trying
to tell you something.
What?

242
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,149
I've been having
a hard time

243
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,250
with my Mandy situation.

244
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:19,252
This girl could be
my future ex-wife,

245
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,388
and I don't want
to mess it up.

246
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,190
Greg still isn't over
his parent's divorce.

247
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,291
That's not a real problem.

248
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,293
You think you're
having a hard time?

249
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:28,195
You've got an
obvious solution.

250
00:10:28,228 --> 00:10:29,930
Let me help you.

251
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,064
Hey, Mandy...

252
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:33,200
Greg wants
to talk to you.

253
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:34,668
Who's Greg?

254
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,638
Him.

255
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,344
There, how's that?

256
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:46,079
You're embarrassing me.

257
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:47,447
And when it comes
to embarrassing myself

258
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,183
in front of girls,
I don't need any help.

259
00:10:50,217 --> 00:10:52,419
I don't know.

260
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,822
I think she kind of liked him.

261
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:01,695
Ta-da!

262
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:04,431
Well, what do you think?

263
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,767
Fabulous!

264
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,435
Now, remember,
don't move it.
Don't touch it.

265
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,337
Don't stick
anything in it.
Don't scratch your head.

266
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:11,939
Don't move
your eyebrows.
Don't shower.

267
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,440
Don't bathe.
Wash up.

268
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,475
And, most important
of all, don't lie down.

269
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,710
Well, how am I
supposed to sleep?

270
00:11:16,744 --> 00:11:19,112
You're not supposed to sleep.
You're a hair model.

271
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:20,948
Well, models sleep.
They don't eat.

272
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,282
Not hair models.

273
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,450
They eat, not sleep.

274
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,285
Everybody gather round!
Look at me!

275
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:27,054
Look at me!

276
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,488
Ooh!

277
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,390
While a team of people
worked on my mother's hair,

278
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:33,260
Idid the work of a team.

279
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,296
He who sleeps at work wakes up
with a foot in the ass.

280
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,098
I wasn't sleeping.
I was breathing.

281
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,067
Well, breathe while you work.

282
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,502
Mr. Fong,
can I ask you a question?

283
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,371
All talk
and no work

284
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:47,474
makes Chris unemployed.

285
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,877
I embarrassed my friend Greg
in front of a girl,

286
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,111
and now he won't talk to me.

287
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:52,112
What should I do?

288
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,114
Here.

289
00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,388
"Get back to work."

290
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,824
Now, hand out
these delivery menus.

291
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:06,426
People found the idea
of getting food delivered

292
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,461
in Bed-Stuy unbelievable.

293
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:10,530
Delivery in Bed-Stuy.

294
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,465
Unbelievable.

295
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,902
Delivery

296
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,503
Man, you crazy.

297
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:19,006
I got kids over here
I don't visit.

298
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,508
So how's it going

299
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,475
out there, Chris?

300
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,444
They're not working you
too hard, are they?

301
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,413
No. It's great.

302
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:27,480
Mr. Fong's cool.

303
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,350
So how's it going here?

304
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:31,318
Good.

305
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,153
Good.

306
00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,788
So, um...

307
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,423
it's not too hard, you know,

308
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:39,559
working over here by yourself?

309
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,394
Hey, Chris.

310
00:12:41,428 --> 00:12:43,463
James, what are
you doing here?

311
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:44,464
I work here.

312
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:46,199
You think I'm just
walking around in an apron

313
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,467
carrying boxes for nothing?

314
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,002
I'm trying
to make some

315
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:50,403
extra money.

316
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,872
Man, there must be
something wrong with you.

317
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:52,940
This is a goodjob!

318
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,975
I'm sure glad you quit.

319
00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:58,578
And tell Tonya I'm holding
aside the bubble gum she likes.

320
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,513
You're going
to be holding your teeth

321
00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,150
if you go near my sister.

322
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:06,019
You failed
the test again?!

323
00:13:06,053 --> 00:13:07,855
But we studied this, boy!

324
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:09,890
What happened?

325
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,925
I don't know.
My brain froze.

326
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,260
Well, you better
thaw it out!

327
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,829
My teacher says she wants
a parent to come in.

328
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,564
Well, your father
will go with you tomorrow.

329
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,166
Why can't you go?

330
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,834
I can't go with this hair.

331
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,035
I don't want those people

332
00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,536
to think I'm some
no-account hair model.

333
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,405
Here.

334
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,575
If Drew didn't
get it together quick,

335
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,978
he was going to be lost at sea.

336
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:34,214
Delivering in Bed-Stuy
was an adventure.

337
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,188
Who is it?!

338
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,856
Hoo's.
Who's what?

339
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:45,025
Hoo's delivery.
Who--- I don't know!

340
00:13:45,058 --> 00:13:47,060
Man, it's Chinese food!
Oh.

341
00:13:47,094 --> 00:13:48,996
Thank you.

342
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,007
Chinese food.

343
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,942
Oh, don't worry,
'cause this your last supper!

344
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,044
I saw you with her!

345
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:05,612
Didn't you see him, baby?

346
00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:07,047
Everybody did!

347
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,916
You must think
I'm stupid or blind.

348
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,018
Maybe you think
I'm stupid andblind.

349
00:14:11,051 --> 00:14:12,485
How much is it, baby?

350
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:13,453
Well, one thing
I promise you--

351
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:15,923
you ain't going to have
to think much longer!

352
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,624
He must think I'm crazy.
He must...

353
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,626
Baby

354
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:23,163
Oh. Oh, no, don't move.
Don't move!

355
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:31,604
Lionel Ritchie, you're back just
in time for another delivery.

356
00:14:31,638 --> 00:14:33,406
I'm not going back out there.

357
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,342
This neighborhood
is too dangerous for deliveries.

358
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,509
You're basically
sending me out there

359
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,112
with a sign saying, "Hey,
I got money. Please rob me."

360
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,647
Plus, I almost got shot.

361
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:44,417
My nephew has been shot by
the Chinese army seven times.

362
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:49,489
He should stop attacking China.

363
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:50,523
Here's your check.

364
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,059
Maybe it help
you feel better.

365
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,596
$48.29?

366
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,298
Where's the rest of the money?

367
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:01,534
Taxes. The law says
I have to take out withholding.

368
00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:03,403
Welcome to America.

369
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,005
Now take this
to Decatur Street.

370
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,008
Uh-uh. You take it.
'Cause I quit.

371
00:15:08,041 --> 00:15:10,277
And I don'tlook
like Lionel Ritchie.

372
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,378
Yes, I do!

373
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,250
Hey, Dad.
Hey, Chris.

374
00:15:17,284 --> 00:15:18,952
How's the new job
working out?

375
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,988
I quit.
You quit?

376
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,622
Quitting is for smoking
and drinking.

377
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:25,025
You better have a good reason
for quitting your job.

378
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,460
Mr. Fong kept yelling at me,
I almost got shot at,

379
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,196
I got robbed,
I'm getting sick of rice,

380
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,630
and to top
that all off,

381
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,966
I'm getting paid
way much less
than I was before.

382
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,534
You know what, Chris?

383
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,436
You quit Doc's
for your principles.

384
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:38,605
He was a good boss,
but you picked minimum wage

385
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:39,706
over good working conditions.

386
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:42,242
Looks like you picked
the wrong principle to stand on.

387
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,510
Yeah, I did.

388
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,645
What you going to do now?

389
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,647
I'm going to go out
and find a new job.

390
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,516
That's not it, Chris.

391
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,352
You can't just quit every time
you don't like something.

392
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:55,022
What if Miles Davis
had quit the trumpet?

393
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,356
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

394
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:57,724
What if George Washington Carver
quit the peanut?

395
00:15:57,757 --> 00:16:00,060
What if B.B. King
quit "Lucille"?

396
00:16:00,093 --> 00:16:02,495
What if Paul Robeson
quit "Old Man River"?

397
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,431
What if Bill Cosby
quit Jell

398
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,766
What if Mr. T quit
pitying the fool?

399
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:07,700
What if Stevie
quit wondering?

400
00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,537
What if Fat Albert
quit The Cosby Kids.

401
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,039
What if Ashford
quit Simpson?

402
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,140
What if Michael Jackson

403
00:16:13,173 --> 00:16:14,574
quit doing
the moonwalk?

404
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,143
What if Diana Ross
quit The Supremes?

405
00:16:16,176 --> 00:16:17,644
Diana Ross
did quit the Supremes.

406
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,312
You get my point.
Just go get a job.

407
00:16:19,346 --> 00:16:20,547
Okay.

408
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:24,551
Later, my mother's Tsunami
came crashing down in waves.

409
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,390
Hair today, gone tomorrow.

410
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:35,162
Oh, hey...

411
00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:37,797
The tsunami turned
into Hurricane Rochelle.

412
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,332
What happened
to my hair?

413
00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:40,700
What happened to my hair?

414
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,102
All my work! What did you do?

415
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,670
What did you do?

416
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:46,439
What am I supposed to do
with a head full of broken hair?

417
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:47,440
What am I gonna do
about the show?

418
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,441
Oh, God, the show!

419
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,410
Forget the show!

420
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:51,678
Julius is never going
to sleep with me again!

421
00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:52,679
Everybody's going to think...

422
00:16:52,712 --> 00:16:54,814
My mother's career
as a hair model was over

423
00:16:54,847 --> 00:16:57,717
faster than Pacman Jones'
career as a citizen.

424
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:02,355
My father went to get to
the bottom of Drew's problem,

425
00:17:02,389 --> 00:17:04,757
which was actually
where the problem started.

426
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:06,093
Is that
Ms. Crabtree?

427
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,395
Yep. That's her.

428
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:10,397
My father took one look
at Ms. Crabtree

429
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,664
and knew exactly
why Drew was failing.

430
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,500
Excuse me. Can I help you?

431
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,136
Hi, Drew.

432
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,837
Hi.

433
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,107
Is all of that
really necessary?

434
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,774
I'm sorry. All of what?

435
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,710
All of this.

436
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,278
I mean, the boy
can't even concentrate.

437
00:17:25,312 --> 00:17:26,546
Neither can you.

438
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,780
I'm sorry.
I still don't follow.

439
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,849
Excuse me.

440
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,852
Drew, what's eight times 12?

441
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:34,321
I don't know.

442
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,855
How about now?

443
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:36,789
96.

444
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:39,826
Who wrote
the Declaration of Independence?

445
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,328
I don't know.

446
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:42,462
How about now?

447
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:43,730
Thomas Jefferson.

448
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,499
Drew, what's your name?

449
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:48,335
I don't know.

450
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:52,372
Look, if you're going
to be an educator,

451
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:55,175
buy some uglier clothes.
Please.

452
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:58,478
Come on.

453
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,647
Drew's grades improved
after he transferred

454
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,182
to the class of Miss Murphy,

455
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,717
a 90-year-old lady
with a mustache.

456
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:05,885
Come on.

457
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,420
All righty, class.

458
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:08,721
So, today, we're going to learn

459
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:09,722
about the Mexican-American War.

460
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,725
What do we know about
the Mexican

461
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,926
Anybody?

462
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,263
We know we'd like to take you
out for Mexican food.

463
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,598
Nobody?

464
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,135
Hey, Greg.

465
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,838
Ididn't know
what to say to Greg,

466
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:28,575
so I imagined
what Doc would say.

467
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:32,812
Chris, you need to tell
your friend you're sorry.

468
00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,881
Why? He's the one
with the problem.

469
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,749
All I did was
try to help.

470
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,585
I got him
talking to Mandy.

471
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,753
You got him to feel
like an idiot.

472
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,389
He is an idiot.

473
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:43,856
All I got to do
is say "hi."

474
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:49,596
Look, Chris.

475
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:52,632
A man can't say "hi"
or "good-bye" to a woman

476
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,634
unless he's ready
to do it on his own.

477
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,769
Now, you got him
to talk to Mandy.

478
00:18:56,803 --> 00:18:59,406
Now you got to get him
to talk to you.

479
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,709
Hey, man, listen.

480
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:04,811
I'm sorry for embarrassing you
in front of Mandy.

481
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,813
What the heck?

482
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,281
It's not like I have other
friends to hang out with.

483
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,783
So we're cool?
Yeah.

484
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:14,454
We were friends,
but we were far from cool.

485
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,194
I can't believe the Knicks

486
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:22,762
lost that game
last night.

487
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:23,830
Hey, Doc.

488
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,369
Hey. Good to see you, Chris.

489
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:30,970
Just coming by to say I'm sorry.

490
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,605
Sorry for what?

491
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:33,973
Quitting my job.

492
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:35,308
I mean, I didn't know
how good I had it.

493
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:38,445
Chris, if I paid you
minimum wage,

494
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,913
you'd get taxed,
and I'd get taxed.

495
00:19:40,947 --> 00:19:42,882
I'd have to get
unemployment insurance,

496
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,584
workmen's compensation.

497
00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:46,786
And there are
child labor laws.

498
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:50,323
Look, the bottom line is,
if I paid you minimum wage,

499
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,958
I'd have to close up the store.

500
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,793
Years later,
Doc closed the store

501
00:19:53,826 --> 00:19:55,862
and opened a Wal-Mart.

502
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,365
Oh. Well, thanks. See you later.

503
00:19:58,398 --> 00:19:59,999
Wait, wait, wait, Chris.

504
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:02,435
If you want your job back,
it's yours.

505
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,471
What about James?

506
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:05,338
He quit.

507
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,706
Here you go, Doc.

508
00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,007
You're working at Hoo's now?

509
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,842
Yeah, man. That's a good job.

510
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,379
I don't know
why you quit.

511
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:15,715
He pays $67 a week cash.
No taxes.

512
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:16,949
Must be
something wrong

513
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:18,851
with you.

514
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,887
I'd like to kick him
in the fortune cookies.

515
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,922
* Everybody hates Chris.

516
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:26,626
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